


Naughty, Nonsexually

by Vexicle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Drabbles, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-05 22:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13397781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vexicle/pseuds/Vexicle





	1. Chapter 1

“Oh my god. People keep asking me what the football team does after school.” Aquilo bites his lip and squeezes his eyes shut. He squirms in the plush leather seat of Ferris’s couch. “I am _not_ going to tell them we watch porn. Together.”

“Yeah, yeah, yadda yadda. Your eyes need to lose their virginity,” Ferris cackles, his fingers skirting over the keyboard as he types in a bunch of keywords that Aquilo does not want to even _imagine_.

“That sounds more like dating gone wrong,” Leonard says, though he too is smirking uncontrollably. Aquilo wants to wrestle those two to the ground but the more rational part of him tells him to breathe, calm down. It's just some images. Filthy, filthy images, but still. 

Aquilo groans. He just wishes he got more respect outside of the field. He blames Cherry for everyone ganging up on him. It's really only thanks to some amazing luck that Leonard is the only other one free to torture him that afternoon. Okay, maybe it isn't really her fault, but whatever. It still is. He chews on his lip as he wonders what any of his other friends would make of this situation. He has no dignity left, unfortunately, so he hopes that his damn teammates will keep their mouths shut and never breathe a word of this to anyone.

“It's starting,” Ferris says, but his voice is slightly muffled from the way his hand is clapped over his mouth. It's not doing anything to hide his wide mischievous smile, nor the laughter that bubbles out of his chest. Aquilo sighs and opens his eyes just the tiniest little slit.

“W-what the hell is that?” Aquilo chokes.

Leonard rolls his eyes. “It's a penis, Aquilo. Do you even biology? Aren't you a nerd?”

“I, I know! Uh, uh,” he stammers. “For goodness sake, I have one, you idiot! It's just... is it meant to be so…” Aquilo writhes and clenches his fists. “Twitchy? _Veiny_?” Aquilo stops shaking to just stare wide eyed at the screen. “What the HELL? Where is he putting that thing?!”

Both boys just laugh at him and he buries his face in his hands. They aren't even watching the video; they obviously just came here to laugh at him. Fuck them into hell. “I highly doubt you have ever taken a good look at your own dick,” Leonard gasps, wiping tears from his brown eyes.

“Why would I? I don't need to stare to clean it!” Aquilo retorts. Is this what his mother called hysteria? God he's already at the end of his rope and it's been thirty seconds since the video started. He snatches the laptop and jabs at the screen to pause the video. He's flustered, blushing heavily and he's sure some strands of hair are standing up from pure agitation.

Ferris chuckles. “Was that too hardcore for you?”

“He... he!” Aquilo points one twitching finger at the screen. “What the hell did he just put it in her _mouth_?”

Leonard slides closer to the blond so Aquilo can see his reflection in the screen. He scowls as the quarterback slaps his hand over his back. “Dude, Ferris, dude,” he laughs. “He can't take it. Start somewhere slower.”

“Her...her mouth?!” Aquilo is still in a state of shock. 

Ferris sticks his tongue out at both of them and hooks his computer back. “Do you really not wonder what happens during sex, Aquilo?” the black-haired teen demands, grinning this _evil_ grin that makes Aquilo want to punch the smugness off his goddamn face.

“I haven't been interested in sex stuff ever, actually.” Aquilo pulls a face. “I mean, I guess I understand it, but. It just. It looks filthy.”

“Can’t handle the real thing, huh? That's a great idea, lets watch some sex toy stuff,” Ferris sniggers, already typing that in.

“...what are toys doing in here? Do people jack off to Barbie?”

Ferris laughs so hard his spit flies across the room. “Good lord, are you really sixteen?” he gasps, clutching his stomach. This leaves a window for opportunity for the redhead to swipe the computer, rolling his eyes when the smaller boy makes a futile grab for it. 

Leonard sighs in amusement, his fingers hovering above the keyboard. “Come on, Aquilo, is sex or masturbation less disgusting to you?”

“Either... either’s fine,” he mutters, embarrassed beyond belief. He hides his face behind his hands while Ferris just points at him and laughs and laughs. The redhead makes a sound of agreement before spinning the computer around and letting Aquilo get an eyeful. He sinks further into his seat. “I'll try not to scream,” he whispers even as he covers his ears when the video starts. Why did they all have that damn drumbeat?

Aquilo lasts a full minute this time before he cowers and shields his eyes from the terrible sight. Ferris sighs and pokes his upper arm. “Dude, she hasn't even taken her panties off yet.” He pauses before he finally takes pity on the blond. “You know, if you really don't want to do any of this, you can just tell us,” Ferris says, squeezing Aquilo’s shoulder.

“I-I don't know. The, the others, um,” he stammers, blushing, before he finally cuts himself off. “Am I a prude?” Aquilo asks, ducking his head bashfully.

Leonard shrugs. “Well if you are, I think only Cherry can change that. It's nothing bad to be, anyway.”

“...Cherry?”

Ferris grins wickedly and leans in. “Yeah, bro, what are you gonna do when she wants you to put your tongue in there?”

Aquilo looks at the black-haired boy, confused. “In where?”

Leonard smirks. “In her hole, of course!”

“Oh my god!!”

“I've got some great tips for you. Wear a buttoned shirt! The more buttons that pop off, the sexier the scene is!” Aquilo swears he can see a dark shadow loom over Ferris’s grinning face. Pure nightmare fuel, he is. “Put your fingers and there and shake it like you don't care!”

“Don't forget to scream and moan until you get arrested by the police!” Leonard joins in with a very similar crazed expression.

“Literally rip her clothes off! People like that!”

“Claw her so hard she'll be in hospital the next day!”

“And when you're done with that, plow her ass!”

“Remember the scented candles and rose petals!”

“Why do I feel like I should follow the exact opposite of everything you told me to do?” Aquilo sighs and rubs his forehead, trying to hide his red face.

Ferris smiles and leans even closer. Aquilo backs away as far as he can possibly go on the couch. He laughs nervously as he looks at both of his teammates. Leonard grins and whispers as though it's a conspiracy, “Do you want to hear some secret mottos?”

Ferris can hardly get the words out, he's laughing so hard. “Don't suck, fuck!” he gasps, doubling over with giggles.

“Don't resist, fist!”

“Don't masturbate or you'll be irate!”

“Don't suck a dick unless it's thick!”

Aquilo sighs, closes his eyes and silently prays for all this torture to be over.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, guys, look,” Aquilo says as he dumps his load onto the desk of the empty classroom. Completely oblivious to the chokes and splutters of the others, Aquilo happily proclaims, “My football friends gave me these cute gifts!”

A silence descends upon the room.

“ _Who_?” Iggy asks, eerily calmly. 

Cherry bursts into a fit of laughter.

“...yes, very… cute,” Taro says with a cough, hand obscuring his mouth as he hastily wipes up saliva.

Francis has his hands together as his pale cheeks turn a deep red.

Zephyr coughs awkwardly, giving Iggy a nudge that he stubbornly refutes.

On the desk are adorable egg-shaped objects in a carton, all with various patterns printed on them. There are six of them, all different colours and patterns. Aquilo purses his lips, momentarily puzzled over everyone’s reactions. Then he realises he has no clue what these cute little eggs do. Aquilo had thought they were just decorations, but with everyone’s weird responses, Aquilo concludes that there’s something else going on here. Picking up the pink one with hearts patterned on it, Aquilo muses, “I wonder what they are?”

“Uh… a-about that.” Taro’s voice seems strained. Or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s muffling himself with a fist. Cherry just slaps his shoulder lightly with one hand, the other muffling her giggles.

“Don’t you dare,” comes Iggy’s voice of pure evil. Taro backs off instantly, cowering.

Aquilo blinks. “Is there something wrong with these things?”

An uneasy silence descends upon the members of Smooth Flying once again. Finally, Zephyr asks, “Did your friends give any specific reason for the gifts?”

Aquilo furrows his brows as he tries to recall. “They said I was too stressed lately and wanted me to relax. How thoughtful,” he says. And then blinks again as Cherry starts laughing so hard she slams her head into the desk. Irritation colours his features as he asks, “Cherry, what the hell?”

“N-nothing,” Cherry gasps out. “It’s… just…” Then a visible chill runs down her spine as she withers under Iggy’s furious amber glare.

Okay, his twin is acting really weirdly as well. Turning to the redhead, Aquilo asks, “What’s wrong?”

“...nooothing.” Iggy’s grin shows off far too much teeth. “Quilly, be a good boy and return these gifts to your… friends, okay?”

Aquilo frowns in confusion. “Okay, but why?” He’s just really reluctant to return such a show of goodwill. Won’t that be rude? These cute little decorations seemed so adorable as well. Aquilo turns over the pink egg in his palm. “Okay, but… I like this one. And…” Then, he sets it down, picking up the black egg with white swirls patterned all over its shell. “And this one, too, and…” Aquilo can’t help smiling now. “Iggy, they’re just so cute. Can’t I keep them?”

“ _No._ ”

Taken aback by his brother’s unusual ferocity, Aquilo protests, “But I wanted to display them on my desk -”

“You can’t do that!” Iggy suddenly surges forward and grabs Aquilo’s shoulders. Blazing red meets widened blue irises as Iggy insists, “Okay, look, you can keep them but in no circumstance ever are you to display them out in the open!”

“Why?” Aquilo asks, appalled. “What’s so weird about these decorations?”

Iggy pauses. Amber eyes slowly slide backwards to where the other bandmates are just staring. Except Cherry, who mimes eating popcorn. For a moment, Aquilo turns over Ferris’s words in his mind and promptly decides that Cherry, the annoying twat, isn’t who he’s attracted to at all. Finally, with a defeated sigh, Iggy bluntly states, “These aren’t decorations, Quilly. These are _sex toys_.”

Finally, it’s Aquilo’s turn to be dumbstruck. Slowly, he puts the egg back in its carton as if its existence is now sheer poison. “...how?” 

“Ugh.” Iggy’s face twists into an expression of absolute disgust. “Okay, don’t faint, but inside the shell is a weird thing to put on your dick or whatever.”

“It’s very popular in Japan,” Taro adds unhelpfully. 

Aquilo needs a moment to process this. Maybe several. Maybe many. Expression tight, he collapses onto his seat in shame, holding his head in his hands. “...but they’re so cute,” he mumbles under his breath as if it’s the greatest injustice he’s ever seen. Fancy such an adorable shell hiding… such a filthy thing.

“Cheer up, Quilly.” He hears a familiar giggle. Suddenly, a small warm hand pats him on the back. “You can just turn the thing around so no one sees the brand name. Hey, Taro, have you used these?”

Aquilo hears rather than sees Taro’s amusement. “Does it look like I have that much money to blow on such luxuries?”

Aquilo groans and presses his hands into his face harder. “Thanks, Cherry. They’re ruined for me now though. I’m going to have to kill those fuckers.” His murderous gaze flits over to the window, where he can clearly see Fucking Ferris, Jackass and Accomplynette playing on the field.

“How so?” Iggy asks, sounding positively gleeful.

With a murderous smile of his own, Aquilo picks up the abandoned carton. “It’s not Halloween yet, but I hope they’re ready to get egged.”

.

“Taroooo.”

“Yes?” The older boy inquires coolly, scrolling through his picture gallery with a very smug Aquilo next to him.

“Aquiloooo,” Ferris whines, nursing the bruise on his head. “That hurt!” There are muttered groans of agreement from Lynette and Jackson next to him.

“Maybe don’t give me bullshit next time,” Aquilo answers darkly, miming checking his fingernails like a primadonna.

“Thirty bucks is an awful lot to spend on a prank like this,” Taro says with some obvious disappointment in his tone.

“Only the best for our dear leader,” Ferris replies, wincing.

“There was nothing inside,” Lynette grumbles. “We don’t want to see you suffer _that_ much, Aquilo. Relax.”

Aquilo does _not_ want to know who used up the contents inside.

“Hm.” Aquilo starts twirling his hair in an exaggerated manner. “Even so, I wonder why on earth you even thought that was appropriate for a prank.”

“It worked, didn’t it?” Ferris demands, then shuts up as Aquilo sends him a glare.

“Are you still going to keep the shells?” Taro asks Aquilo, blinking up at him.

“ _They_ can.” With a last glare, Aquilo saunters off. Taro bids the trio farewell with a faint smile touching his lips. 

The instant both boys leave, the trio put their heads together.

“Plan C?”


	3. Chapter 3

“Look, Aquilo, we just wanna say… we’re sorry.”

“Uh huh.” Aquilo peers over his phone skeptically at the trio’s incredibly transparent attempts to stop laughing. Seriously? He can’t even hang out in his own classroom without being bothered now? Where’s Taro when he needs him? Hell, where’s Basil?

“S-so,” Lynette says as she tries and fails to stop herself from giggling, “We decided to give you this!”

Aquilo eyeballs them from below, leg remaining crossed over his knee in a casual position. “Uh huh.” His gaze drops back down to the lyrics he’s been working on for a bit. _E sounds really are easy to rhyme. Maybe I should -_

“But we got it… just for you!” Ferris bursts out laughing on the last word. He’s elbowed by Jackson, who gives Aquilo a cool look after Aquilo sends an unamused glance their way. 

Aquilo isn’t buying any of this shit for one hot second, but then an idea flickers in his mind. Aquilo sighs, straightening up, examining the object Ferris has outstretched in his hands. “This is?”

Ferris has a large, long, thick black object in his hand that’s topped off with a cap. Ferris has to bite his lip to avoid breaking out into laughter at the extremely nonplussed Aquilo. “Well, captain -”

“Huh. Looks like one of those fancy designer pencil holders.” Aquilo keeps the perfectly stoic expression on his face as he holds it up, looking the thick shaft over. Then, slowly, he pops the cap open. “Huh, looks neat,” he says, poking at the cheap fleshy texture inside the shaft. There is no doubt in Aquilo’s mind what this is now. Thank goodness for Taro’s crash course in this previously unbreached topic of sex toys. Aquilo had wanted to wipe his mind afterwards, but now it’d finally pay off.

“Fancy that. They even have cushioning technology.”

Even Jackson is smirking now. “Nah, boss, see. We felt soooo terrible since the last present we got ya didn’t even have those rubbers innit. So, we decided to make it up to you!”

“Huh,” Aquilo says in a bored tone. “What do you mean?”

“We got you something to stick your dick in for real, Aquilo,” Lynette says, now not even bothering to hide her snickers. “At least, until you get somewhere with Cherry.”

There’s a pause as they wait eagerly to see his reaction… and it’s one of absolute nonchalance as Aquilo rakes them all over with icy blue eyes. “Huh,” he says flatly, rolling his eyes. “Come on, even you guys couldn’t possibly think I’m that stupid.”

Eyes widening in surprise, the trio swap glances with each other. “Err, Aquilo,” Ferris pipes up.

“I mean, really?” Aquilo holds the toy up as if he wants Lynette, Ferris, and Jackson to take a closer look at it. “Come on. This thing can barely fit three fingers.” He does it just to demonstrate, pretending not to feel prickles of satisfaction at their gulps. Keeping his features neutral, Aquilo continues, “And even then, it’s not long enough.”

“...long enough?” Jackson echoes. For once the smirk on his face is wiped clean, replaced by a look of fear. Or maybe awe. Or a combination of the two.

“Yeah. Duh.” Aquilo rolls his eyes again, pressing the tube against his arm. “Look, it’s not even three quarters of my forearm. There’s no way any dick could fit in here. This is a sad fact, since I really want to stuff you three inside. I’m rather sure you guys are full of shit as usual. ” Abruptly, he stands up, making his chair screech. Holding the toy out to Ferris like a telescope, Aquilo states bluntly, “I’d really appreciate it if you stopped trying to pull stupid pranks on me all the time, asshole.”

Ferris doesn’t respond for like two seconds, so Aquilo slams the damn thing down on the desk and strides out of his classroom. Fortunately, the curtains are drawn, so Aquilo can linger behind them, eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Holy shit! Did you know he was that well hung?”

“Hell no, but not gonna lie, that’s pretty fucking hot.”

“What the actual fuck? That’s a size _large_. What kind of fucking steroids has Aquilo been taking?”

“Puberty is one hell of a drug. I’ve been on hormones, I know.”

“Yes, Lynette, you have big tits.”

Aquilo walks away as soon as Jackson wonders if he’s ‘fucked anyone with that monster dick’. Even so, the annoyance and embarrassment is drowned out by a prickling of odd satisfaction. _What a bunch of fucking idiots,_ Aquilo thinks with a smirk on his way to scout out a new, private corner of Chalkhill.

.

“Quilly?” 

Aquilo starts at the soft voice… the uncharacteristically soft voice. He blinks, turning to the side to face Cherry. He digs his heels into the ground, stopping the slow movement of the swing for four. “Yes?” he asks, impatiently clicking the nub of his pen.

The curly-haired girl licks her lips, staring at him. Aquilo’s just starting to feel his cheeks flush with heat when Cherry finally says, “Is… is it true that your dick’s super huge?”

Aquilo quirks an eyebrow at her by way of reply.

Flustered as she seemingly realises that Aquilo isn’t flat out denying it the way he usually does, Cherry remains rooted to the spot. Wringing her hands together, she giggles nervously. “Nothing, uh, you know. Sorry if this was a weird question to ask! I… I just heard something from your football squad, and I… okay this is totally weird I’ll go away now sorryBYE!” With a flick of her hand, Cherry bolts far, far, far away in the blink of an eye.

Aquilo stares after her trail. His notebook is still in his lap, pen in his hand. Finally, he relaxes with a long breath, tilting his head downwards to stare at the lyrics he’s written in neat font. Still, though, there’s no denying the smirk on his face.

And if he’s feeling just a little more ~~smug~~ confident that night, Iggy wisely chooses not to comment on it.


End file.
